Dear Lucius
Dear Lucius,
I’ve recently made some significant errors in judgement concerning some final transactions that have left me unable to support my wife’s cake addiction. Do you have any dastardly financial schemes that can get me back on my feet? (Now mind you, I’ve tried a great many of them already, so I need something original!)
Signed: Sartori</strong>
‘RavenBlack City (AP) Panic Goes On as things continue to evaporate. This morning when the citizens of RavenBlack woke up they were greeted with the latest episode of ‘The Great Evaporating’ to hit the city. The adorned bronze gates of the Shadow Court were missing. As usual no one knows where the gates went, or why they were stolen. This piece of art is yet one more item to disappear from the city over the last few weeks. Humans and vampires alike are perplexed. Not only have items of great worth vanished, but also items of note but of lesser value, such as Capadocious’ rare oriental hot water bottle covered in sky blue silk, Unicorn’s apparel horn, Hesu’s Nikon, shadowshade’s Etain wolf and 53 % of the stoplights of the North Side. Terror grows as…’
[Lucius set down the tabloid and took another sip of the finest espresso, pure Arabica coffee from a very delicate china cup once used by Napoléon Bonaparte. He then took his Mont-Blanc, a platinum fountain pen with a mother-of-pearl star and 18-carat gold trim carat ‘ and began to write.]
Dear Sartori,
Money doesn’t make one happy. It might just allow one to be unhappy in luxury. Just a friendly warning before you complain about the side effects of the following advice. Still interested? Good.
This exact same question struck me a few weeks ago. How could I not think about hiring Satan and his boys to work as my own collection agency before is beyond me. Even with his 30% cut off the top, I still rake it in. It’s efficiently simple. All you have to do is sign this scroll with your own blood and return it to me. Of course this will stay between you and I’
I hope this helps,
~Lucius Solves all your problems instantly - or your money back!
Dear Lucius,
Could I have a pussy for my birthday? Signed: MedievalWench</strong>
Dear MedievalWench,
Well, sure. But to keep from freaking everybody out why don’t you just have a bloody cake like everyone else’
I hope this helps,
~Lucius Solves all your problems instantly - or your money back!