Dear Lucius

Dear Lucius,

Everything we bloody do in this city seems to just be something that was done before, with nothing changing for the better. Can you tell us why we vampires were actually put on this rock, so we can get on doing it? Signed: AQelDroma</strong>

Dear AQelDroma,

Great, a philosophical question… Since the dawn of time, it’s been asked: what is the purpose of vampiric existence? At first this was easy. The answer was blood. You see, back in the Stone Age, the answer to everything was either blood or rock. What do you want? “Blood” Where do you live? “Rock” Look, that naked human is running away with your stuff, what will you do? “Rock make it blood!” As you can see, in these days discussion wasn’t too stimulating, and vampires found themselves stuck with philosophical sayings like “blood is blood” and “blood is not rock.” Luckily bloody rock & roll hadn’t been invented yet.

Many years passed, vocabulary improved, and finally the vampires of Athens got back around to the question. Socrates proclaimed ‘ yes Socrates was a vampire, how do you think he got so many fans with such features? ‘ the question had no meaning. It was an easy way out and he was of course incorrect, but he was such a pain in the ass that we didn’t feel like to contradict him until someone ‘ I suspect his ambitious and neglected lover Plato - slipped some garlic in his blood-tea, and that was the end. Many years later, once the vocabulary had become more complex, the Roman vampires came up with another justification, a reason which many of the Kindred would agree with today. The answer, of course, was lust. It was later found, however, that sex was rather the question and the answer was yes. So, I can’t remember what you asked for but my answer is yes.

I hope this helps,

~Lucius Solves all your problems instantly - or your money back!