Dear Mistress Sanguine….

2 minute read

Dear Mistress Sanguine,

Recently I heard my ex-husband’s name being thrown about the City as being one of the richest blood suckers in the City.

Now, I don’t mean to complain, but he reaaaallly doesn’t need the money.. and I have three childer and an ass to support! All those years I supported him, his holy water habits, his extensive scroll of turning usage… and this is not even mentioning those high cost teleportation scrolls! All I can say is thank the Almighty RavenBlack for creating Scrolls of Succour. All those Necro fees and endless nights I spent in pubs trying to locate potions shops and discount shops…..well now that he is semi retired… I think its time for a little pay back.

After much thought, I have come to the conclusion that he should pay alimony and childer support. How much support do you believe is sufficient monthly ?

I’m also thinking on hitting up some of my other ex-partners… My ex-wifey has gone considerably up the food chain since we first bound… I also have another ex-husband milling about the City.. he ought to be paying too … and that ex-companion that keeps hanging around the chateau trying to sink his fangs into me… he needs to start forking out some coins too.

And what is your views on a pre nuptial agreement? I am looking into another marriage.. and before I jump into this one… I’m thinking I should get it all in writing beforehand. She already said if I am not happy this year.. i can zero her …. but .. maybe we ought to put some coins up against it … what do you think?

Thank you for your help!


The Ex-Mrs.

Dearest The Ex-Mrs.,

It seems you’ve got a bit of a problem. In my opinion, all bindings should come with a pre-nuptial agreement. In a city where fickle hearts run rampant, covering your own ass (no pun intended!) is a must. Since you didn’t have one with past partners, it’s time to get some pay back!

I hear the Splinters will do anything (or at least that Mordant will) for coin. My advice would be to hire the Splinters to beat the hell out of your previous partners with slimy orchids until they hand over some coin. If that doesn’t work, at least they will be covered in orchid slime.

As far as your new love is concerned, instead of getting one diamond ring from your betrothed, ask for 10. That should cover anything if it gets ugly down the road. Oh, and one more thing… Get the guarantee to “zero her” in blood before saying “I do”.

With darkest wishes and bloody kisses, Mistress Sanguine