I Love You, but only if you do what I tell you to…
Contingencies. I’m sure every vampire at one point or another in unlife has had exposure to this. You get stuck in a jam, and someone is more than willing to help you out, but only if you do something specific in return. Like most things, contingencies have their time and place. When discussing business, it would be foolish to ignore possible contingencies. To not focus on these things could prove to be a costly strategic misstep. Contingencies in relationships? Get real.
I see this all the time. I love you so much, but if you join that clan/talk to that vampire/don’t do everything I want you to do, I will go love someone who will listen. You want to be my friend? Okay, but you have to bind to me as childer, or you’re not good enough. Want this last name? See those hoops over there? Get to hopping, bitch. It happens in this city every day, and in my ever so humble opinion, I think it’s pretty stupid.
Imposing contingencies as a prerequisite to a relationship may get the results that one would want in the short term, but effectively establishes a glass ceiling of sorts on the closeness that could develop between two in the future. Using a relationship as a dangled carrot can breed resentment and it shows a lack of trust for the other party. Making childer jump through hoops after being sired is rather ridiculous in my opinion. If they aren’t good enough, why sire them at all? Wait until they’re worthy in your eyes, and then do it. Saying, ‘Oh yeah, you’re good enough to pay to be part of my family, but not quite good enough to really be there,’ is almost the same as saying, ‘Well, I want a big family so come on in, but if you REALLY want to be accepted, you need to do more.’ Pfft. If I sire someone, it’s because I like them because of them, not because I can get them to do what I want.
If folks are good enough to be your friend, your lover, or your childer, then trust them enough to make the proper decisions. If they consistently don’t, then perhaps they are not the friend/lover/childer you’re looking for, and no amount of contingency will change that. Creating the contingencies may make someone feel better about themselves, but in the long run, as others start to realize that is what they’re about, they’ll end up fairly lonely or labeled pathetic by the masses.
For those guilty of this, take a bit more time getting to know the folks around you rather than attempting to control them via contingencies. I can guarantee that your relationships will be stronger for it.
Until next time, I tell the truth, so you don’t have to…not that you planned on it, anyway…
You’re right, Seyda, there’s waaay too much of this goes on. It’s sad how so many relationships appear (at least to my jaded eyes) to be a power struggle, or a control thing.
True love may offer advice on occasion, but should never be attended by conditions or attempts at emotional blackmail to establish dominance.
The area I have the biggest problem with, personally, is when one party (Sire, companion, whatever) tells the other, over whom they think they have some control, who they should not be associated with. To me, that indicates a lack of respect. Sure, they may not like some of the people the other associates with, but each should respect the other’s choice of friends. Demanding that they have nothing to do with certain people, or demeaning those friends in an attempt to create doubt, is a sure-fire way to damage a relationship.
I guess it all comes down to mutual respect, and attempting to control someone through a relationship shows no respect at all, it only shows insecurity and a desire to control rather than love.
Jean DeVenn The Ferrymen