ARIES You’ll be excitable, anxious and running about like crazy.(surrounded by humans a feeding frenzy sighs I remember it well) A fun time can be had if you put yourself in the position of the organizer and coordinator.( the only fun times I like are seeing the enemy bleeding out in the street or my teeth sinking into human flesh sucking them dry oh and holding my baby tight) Put your energy to good use (start a rumor or a war or you could just stab a friend) Your lucky weapon this week is not sticking in your ribs Your quote comes from the disc world books “Let’s just say that if complete and utter chaos was lightning, he’d be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper amour and shouting ‘All gods are bastards’.” Rincewind explaining Twoflower.
TAURUS If you try to push your will on others, you will have a new slave for seduction or servitude not a bad thing. Be nonchalant in your approach and things will lean in your favor.( nonchalantly slapping some vampire on outside of head works empty hand or with a brick) Get involved in a group that offers a unique service.(thieving is a group like that the service is removal of coins from the unsuspecting) Your lucky weapon this week is a chain saw Your quote comes from the disc world books They may have been ugly. they may have been evil. But when it came to poetry in motion, the Things had all the grace and coordination of a deck-chair. Meet the creatures from the Dungeon Dimensions.
GEMINI You will pick up valuable information if you talk to neighbors(or you just go into some ones clan and spy just a little bit) A short trip will pay off. (ahh yes walking south west in the city coins galore and a holy water to be found) Someone you live with or are close to will not be too happy with you ( perhaps the landlady has found you personal graveyard out the back) Your lucky weapon this week is a knitting needle Your quote comes from the disc world books For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.
CANCER A hidden asset will come in handy,(so is that a sword in your pocket or are you just happy to see me) Don’t overspend on home improvement projects adding the second dungeon seems a bit extravagant in the current climate perhaps you could get a transportable dungeon and not have to dig a new hole. Minor accidents or mishaps are apparent if you aren’t cautious.(handle all weapons with great care unless your dropping them on the enemy) Your lucky weapon this week is sharp scissors please try to keep them out of small children Your quote comes from the disc world books Granny wasn’t sure she approved of silk, she’d heard it came out of a caterpillar’s bottom….. (Well, when you think about it….).
Reassess your financial situation.(steal more coins from others) You can always impress someone with your knowledge and undivided attention but, for real bang for your buck call 1800Idothelotfor$50 or you could just buy your darling the roses and a six pack of humans
Your lucky weapon this week is a three week old ham sandwich with mustard
Your quote comes from the disc world books ‘It’s going to look pretty good, then, isn’t it,’ said War testily, ‘the One Horseman and Three Pedestrians of the Apocralypse.’ The Four Horsemen of the Apocralypse encounter unexpected difficulties.
VIRGO Keep things light today.(have you ever tried that lite blood I mean what government department come sup with this if I put the effort into killing I want to enjoy full thick cholesterol filled blood oh I can feel my arteries clogging by the minute) you will feel emotional to day kill someone. Secrets are apparent and you may not be privy to them all all beat the answers from some one Your lucky weapon is a baseball bat Your quote comes from the disc world books
It became apparent that one reason why the Ice Giants were known as the Ice Giants was because they were, well, giants. The other was that they were made of ice.
LIBRA The more moving about or conversing you do, the further ahead you will be (more movement more chances to steal or bite never a bad thing). This is an ideal time to take a short trip or to get involved in a clan that has a set plan you believe in.(or a clan that just likes to kill for laughs) Love is looking very positive.(love is good hot undiluted sex is hotter) Your lucky weapons are your quick wit and steal trap of a mind Your quote comes from the disc world books ‘I meant,’ said Iplsore bitterly, ‘what is there in this world that makes living worthwhile?’ Death thought about it. CATS, he said eventually, CATS ARE NICE. Death is obviously not a dog person.
SCORPIO Not everyone will see things the same way you do.(and this is a problem for who? Remove their hearts no problem then) Bide your time and focus on what you can do( I already told you kill the opponents of your will) to make your surroundings better and you will make some gains.(killing is the best solution let me show you later) A deal that has been on the table for some time will fold (who cares kill them and move on) Your lucky weapon is a bird feather used correctly can be an erotic weapon (and no a whole rooster is not erotic) Your quote comes from the disc world books He did of course sometimes have people horribly tortured to death, but this was considered to be perfectly acceptable behaviour for a civic ruler and generally approved of by the overhelming majority of citizens. [ footnote: The overhelming majority of citizens being defined in this case as everyone not currently hanging upside down over a scorpion pit. ]
SAGITTARIUS Travel will lead to adventure and excitement.(and if you have a ship to travel on is always good when entering the sea) The more you do with people who have totally different lifestyles, the better your chance of finding your own niche.(an open mind and heart is always good unless of course we are talking the small minded inward looking cowardly fragles) Your lucky weapon is a bazooka (no not your bazoonkas) Your quote comes from the disc world books “If we get a chance,” whispered Rincewind to Nijel, “we run, right?” “Where to?” “From,” said Rincewind, “the important word is from.” Rincewind explains his personal philosophy to Nijel.
CAPRICORN You can be the mastermind behind a financial deal that will make everyone a little better off.(or you can set up a group and steal all their coins and bank them faster than you can say rumplestitskin) Money, gifts and winnings are all looking quite positive.(I have never seen a bad coin in my life and gifts well damn lets get me some) Follow your own formula and you will be successful if not I have some Mr. Hyde formula here he’s pretty cool ) Your lucky weapon is your size 12 army boots Your quote comes from the disc world books “My father always said that it was pointless to undertake a direct attack against an enemy extensively armed with efficient projectile weapons,” she said. Rincewind, who knew Cohen’s normal method of speech, gave her a look of disbelief. “Well, what he actually said,” she added, “was never enter an arse-kicking contest with a porcupine.”
AQUARIUS You will probably have more to do with children today (stalking into a kindergarten and eating all them new kids your so bad). An interesting observation will help you make a decision that has been on your mind for some time.(green humans can be killed go get them) Your lucky weapon is your long sword (no the one you use to cut people up with geeze come on get your mind out of the gutter) Your quote comes from the disc world books In fact, no gods anywhere play chess. They prefer simple, vicious games, where you ‘Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight to Oblivion’; a key to the understanding of all religion is that a god’s idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.
PISCES Arguing will get you nowhere. (Its brute force and mayhem that wins the day)Focus on work and getting things finished before the weekend.(slaughter a clan steal a million coins work is good) A problem with someone you are close to may end up causing a feud.(this is of course a problem only if you allow it to become one kill them and move on) Your lucky weapon is a toothpick good luck Your quote comes from the disc world books The thing between Death’s triumphant digits was a fly from the dawn of time. It was the fly in the primordial soup. It had bred on mammoth turds. It wasn’t a fly that bangs on window panes, it was a fly that drills through walls.