Dear Mistress Sanguine~
I have an interesting problem that could potentially ruin my marriage. My wife and I are not in the same clan, yet we are happily married. When we were first bound, we agreed to keep our relationship free of any politics to save either of us from having to compromise our clan’s knowledge. This method worked for a while, but lately she has been lightly discussing political topics that I do not feel comfortable talking about. I know she isn’t doing this on purpose, but I feel that if I tell her to cease, she’ll take it as an affront on our vow to be open and honest with each other. The longer we are together, the more I think that having my spouse in another clan might not be such a great idea. Any suggestions?
My first suggestion would be to examine the political topics that your wife is discussing with you. If you are convinced she isn’t trying to pry information out of you, then maybe she is looking for an outlet for her political frustrations. I am going to go out on a limb here and hopefully assume you two aren’t in clans that are on opposing sides of any political disputes or up and coming wars because I can tell you now that your marriage will most definitely fail if you are. Marriage is a delicate balance of two souls that must be able to trust each other implicitly and without hindrance. If you are in different clans, your clan leaders might not keep you abreast of all of the political happenings because of fear of your pillow talk. This also becomes a more serious problem if one clan goes to war and the spouse is left with a dead husband/wife, a heart full of vengeance, and no safe way to fight back. To alleviate all of these issues, I would suggest that you and your wife sit down and evaluate your relationship, friendship, and trust of one another. It will make matters much easier if one of you deems the relationship important enough to save and possibly crossing to your spouse’s clan to end this horrible conflict of heart.
I had been 7 months with my husband in a situation like this. We were in different clans - and our clans were not even allied together. Sometimes i know it is very hard to be involved in a situation like that - especially when you need to spend more and more time with the clan and your head is “buzzing” with the “clan issues” - but you know when you get home you cannot share with the one you love the most. This was a nightmare and a salvation. Because i couldn’t tell him of all those things that were troubling me, i had to throw my mind elsewhere - talk about funny stuff, neutral stuff that was going on in the city and eventually that made me relax more than bringing “the work” at home. I think the key here is when she tries to tell you about clan stuff - you find other interesting topics to talk about - get her out for dinner or dance - or stay home and.. hmm.. do what married people do …and ask her to do the same when it’s the other way around. See your clan as your “work in a super secret company” and your marriage as your marriage. True - my marriage didn’t last, but being in different clans was not the reason for it. It is hard i know… but if you manage to do it right, then being in different clans is actually a very nice way to keep the love you feel about each other last for the reasons you fell in love with each other - and not because you just “cooperate well together at work”. ~Daphne ~Ladypeacek’ Daughter ~Magister’s council ~The Ferrymen