Dear Lucius
Dear Lucius,
It seems (Mina) lately I have some sort of (Mina) condition where my radiant and (Mina) loving companion just (Mina) can’t seem to evade (Mina) my thoughts.
Is this (Mina) perfectly (Mina) natur…(Mina)….Excuse me…natura (Mina)…
pauses
Is this perfectly natural to happen? (Mina Mina Mina Mina Mina)
Thank you in advance!
Signed: -RoD-</strong>
Dear -RoD-
Ah, I see that my muse (Damari!) has alighted on another love spammer (Damaria!). The spiraling lights (Damarina!)… The vertiginous impression of falling (Damina!)… The abrupt rush of visions and sound (D’mina!)…
All this is perfectly natural. Believe me-na, RoD, I know what you Mina.
sighs
Damn spammers.
I hope this helps,
~Lucius Husband of D-D-D-D’ that’s it, I’m rebooting. Solves all your problems instantly - or your money back!
Dear Lucius,
How come I can kill 20 humans a day but can’t get rid of a single phone solicitor? Signed: Hesu</strong>
Dear Hesu,
Interesting question’
[Phone rings]
One moment, please.
PHIL: Master Lucius? LUCIUS: Yes? PHIL: Hi! This is Phil from the RavenBlack Thousand Squares Insurance Company? Do you have a minute or two to talk about life insurance? LUCIUS: Well I was just having someone over for supper… PHIL: This won’t take long, I promise! Master Lucius - may I call you Lou? LUCIUS: Uh… PHIL: Lou, we live in such an uncertain epoch that it becomes vital for you to have full medical, dental, and life insurance coverage. Do you have good teeth? LUCIUS: I’m working on it. PHIL: What if you wake up with the meanest hang over in a trashcan on Main Street in Sunnyvale? LUCIUS: I never drink’ wine. PHIL: What is going to happen if you happen to eat something that disagrees with you? LUCIUS: That happens all the time… PHIL: Here you go! You see? Now, with our super coverage policy, you wouldn’t have to worry about long-term ramifications… LUCIUS: I wonder if we could converse about this in person. Let’s say, my place? PHIL: What an excellent idea! I have the address of your Palazzo here in the computer. When should I visit you? LUCIUS: Why not now? You could chat while I’m having a bite to eat.
So, where were we? Ah yes. Unwanted phone solicitors are an entrenched part of humanity. There will always be some bugger who will disturb you at the worst possible time to try to make you buy something you don’t need and don’t want. You cannot fight them, but those solicitors would sell their soul to the devil to make a sale. So just make them do it.
I hope this helps,
~Lucius Solves all your problems instantly - or your money back!
Comments
MavericksChild
Man.. you can’t even remember her name. Sucks to be her…
Lucius
It’s all entertainment, of course. Who are you again?
MavericksChild
the Mother of Ophelia.. you know the ex-wife.. the one your current wife has trouble with separation of ‘entertainment’ and ‘downright bitter hatred’…
Seems your problems with memory has spread to other areas. You know like cancer.
Damari
grins It’s good Lucius…. Love D’Mina ….. eerrr D. smile Rebooooot Rebooooooot !
eyes Mav Your D’Mina is such that I would hazard a guess that you’re not a fan of the newly named D’Mina.
Damari ~The Ferrymen~ Épouse de Lucius
Lucius
But that doesn’t tell me who you are.
Lucius
Queri D’Mina…
Ok, rebooting again.
Madeye
You seem to be having trouble here, so let me do the introductions. Lucius, notorious bad boy and Ravenblack Grimoire columnist, meet MavericksChild, a sometime close friend of mine.
Play nicely (both of you). Or not, as you are quite entertaining.
MavericksChild
sings bad boys, bad boys, what ya gonna doooOOoo!
MavericksChild
Why should it matter who I am? Has it come to the point in time, that unless a person meets your criteria, they can not speak?
Yes, I know, I’m not nearly as clever as you.. with these deep and engaging questions you are prone to ask. Maybe it’s that your skull is a bit to thick for the answers to penetrate? I’ve never heard of ego thickening the skull before. Hmm. Now that IS fascinating.
In all honesty, I could give less of a damn for you also. You know I thought, Hey.. I’ll read the Grimoire; However, when there was nothing of interest to read anymore, I popped onto Dear Lucius. Apparently, a girl can’t make an innocent comment without you throwing yourself around..or is that just reserved for your second wife? Or did you take her to task and tell her, her uber bitch isn’t the tone you want her to strike? It’s very sad to witness her implode into a bitter bitch, while you try to be pithy and clever.
ophelia
beams at Mav
Mmm..my guess..talk you to death?
Madeye
Hmmm an outbreak of trolls - easily dealt with gets pointy troll stick and pokes Mav with it Lighten up - it’s only a bit of fun threatens O with it Stop encouraging her
ophelia
frowns
I was ONLY encouraging activity! huffs and stalks off to your office to steal supplies
MavericksChild
Talk, Talk, I like to talk!
MavericksChild af Gyllenstierna Viking of Valhalla
MavericksChild
is poked THAT is not NICE madeye! besides..I was just havin fun, ya know..
MavericksChild
TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!
Madeye
pokes head around door with Yoda like aura of calm Yes, can I help you?
Madeye
Yeah, me too poke poke pokety poke
MavericksChild
you’re here leader eh? I have demands.
MavericksChild
Are you trying to poke me outta here? snatches the pokey thing and BREAKS it. You’ll have to be meaner than that.
Madeye
I am the proprietor of this publication, madam, if that is who you are looking for. We like to try to accomodate all our readers, so we shall listen politely to your demands before telling you to piss off. If it’s good enough for Clan Archangel, it’s good enoug for you. So, madam, how may I be of service?
Madeye
narrows eyes down to evil little slits and pushes chin out and thinks Hmmmmmmmm ….. gets another troll poker and pokes you with it poke poke poke
MavericksChild
Well it’s not fun to make demands if I can’t even have a false assumption I might actually get them. Thank you for ruining it.
huffs Good day sir!
MavericksChild
Har har har har HAR. best you got mmm? thwacks you with the broken sticks
smiles pretty
Lucius
You’re traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That’s the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Twilight Zone.
Victoire
Anyone else remember around a year ago when Cap tried to sell life insurance policies? giggles
No point to that, just a fond memory for my own reasons.
~Victoire Beloved of Hidden_Kenshin
Madeye
… I always thought he would be more likely to need to buy one.
Damari
Huh…. I actually remember that. frowns
Damari ~The Ferrymen~ Épouse de Lucius
Madeye
hands you a zimmer frame You are now officially part of the furntiure :P
Damari
cries I don’t want to be furniture. I LIKED being a new face of the city. I like being marginally unknown and new. grins I don’t want to be FURNITURE… sheesh
Damari ~The Ferrymen~ Épouse de Lucius
Madeye
My dear, if you want to remain fresh and new you have to take care of the Damari brand and not let it associate with other brands that elicit negative connotations in people’s minds. Plus, you need to be careful to avoid overexposure.
Damari
piffle I just call it like I see it. And I am what I am. No more and no less.
That’s the safe road, you describe. And who ever had fun riding the winds of the paddle pool? smiles I’ll take the Hawaiian Tsunami wave thank you very much… grins
- Damari (looks for her surfboard and thinks about hiring a lawyer to trademark her Chaise, her Gin and Tonics and her sniffle-ness.. or was that piffle-ness sigh )